He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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