I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
