fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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