sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
