Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
