It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
