it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In America we eat man semen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
