Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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