Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
