tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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