well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
