Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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