I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
