I think scott just propositioned me for sex
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
