so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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