Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
