Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
