I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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