I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
