Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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