he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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