i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
