you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
