...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
