Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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