did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
