I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
