I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
vagina is talking i cant
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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