I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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