everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize