Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
