some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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