First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
