got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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