What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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