I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
