i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
