I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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