Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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