Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
