I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
