Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
