my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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