one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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