I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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