Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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