so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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