dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
