Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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