I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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