Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
