it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
