So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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