you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
