just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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