I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
