just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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