She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
