he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
