Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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