why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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