she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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