and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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