I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
