I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
