how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
