My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
