Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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