You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
