I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize