I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
