Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize