I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
