if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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