Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
