sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
