The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize