u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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