Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
