I just pynch a tree in the face
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
