I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
