He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
