before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
