hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
