No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
