No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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