the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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