I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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