last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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