I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
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