he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
