he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
