u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize