So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
