You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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